. Reactions and Response: Suddenly, a cockroach flew from somewhere and sat on a lady. I wondered if this was the cockroach's response to all the glory that was spoken about it! She started screaming out of fear. With panic stricken face and trembling voice, she started jumping, with both her hands desperately trying to get rid of the cockroach. Her reaction was contagious, as everyone in her group got cranky to what was happening. The lady finally managed to push the cockroach to another lady in the group. Now, it was the turn of the other lady in the group to continue the drama. The waiter rushed forward to their rescue. In the relay of throwing, the cockroach next fell upon the waiter. The waiter stood firm, composed himself and observed the behavior of the cockroach on his shirt. When he was confident enough, he grabbed and threw it out with his fingers. Sipping my coffee and watching the amusement, the antenna of my mind picked up a few thoughts and started wondering! Was the cockroach responsible for their histrionic behavior? If so, then why was the waiter not disturbed? He handled it near to perfection, without any chaos. It is not the cockroach, but the inability of the ladies to handle the disturbance caused by the cockroach that disturbed the ladies. I realized even in my case then, it is not the shouting of my father or my boss that disturbs me, but it's my inability to handle the disturbances caused by their shouting that disturbs me. It's not the traffic jams on the road that disturbs me, but my inability to handle the disturbance caused by the traffic jam that disturbs me. More than the problem, it's my reaction to the problem that hurts me. The Take-Away: The women reacted, whereas the waiter responded. We should not react in life, we should always respond. Reactions are instinctive whereas responses are always intellectual!!! (Anonymous)

WHY WE SHOULD NOT LOSE TEMPER

I have come across three incidents in my life, which changed my outlook. 

It was  the year 1986 when I was posted in Jabalpur. I went to my home town via Delhi.  I travelled from Jabalpur to Delhi by train and from there I had to take a State Transport Bus. While leaving Jabalpur, a friend of mine gave me a tin containing 5 kilograms of Pure Desi Ghee, which I was supposed to deliver to his daughter in Meerut.

At Delhi Bus Station, I was asked by the Bus Conductor about the contents of that tin. I told him that it contained Ghee for consumption and not for sale.  He asked me to pay Freight charges which amounted to Rs.10.  I refused to pay saying that this being a commodity for consumption, did not attract any freight.  He was not willing to accept my response.  Eventually, arguments ensued and I threatened him in an angry tone that I would not only not pay the freight but would also lodge a complaint against him for his high-handedness.  Arguments turned into a scuffle.  He slapped me on my cheek with his heavy hand and I virtually felt giddy.  Finally, I had to shell out Rs.10 and also felt insulted. Later on, I realized that I should not have lost temper and should have paid without any arguments and the ugly incident and insult could have been averted.

Another incident took place in 1994 when my son was posted in Vadodara.  My wife and I had gone to visit him and were to come back to Mumbai by the night train.  We reached the station and waited for the train. The Scheduled time of the train passed but there was no sign of the train.  We waited patiently but since it was already past midnight, I went to the chamber of the Station Master to enquire about the current status.  He did not have any answer and was evasive.  Following my entry, a large number of waiting passengers also entered the chamber and started shouting.  I continued arguing with the Station Master which encouraged the other passengers also to shout.  At one time, I raised my voice and asked the Station Master to provide me the Complaint Book so that I could register my complaint for the avoidable inconvenience.  He refused to give me the book.  This infuriated the other passengers  and one of them, in a fit of anger, pounded his table glass, which broke due to this act.  He charged me for this action and immediately called the police.  He handed me over to the police and they  threatened to arrest me for this misdemeanor. I pleaded not guilty but they were not willing to accept my explanation.  Meanwhile, the wrong-doer quietly disappeared from the scene leaving me high and dry.  I showed my identity card and explained my conduct to the Station House Officer, who reluctantly pardoned me and we were allowed to go.  The train arrived six hours late and eventually we reached Mumbai next evening.  Later on I introspected and realized that I should not have behaved in this irresponsible manner, which could cause unnecessary embarrassment.

The third incident took place in 2007, when my daughter was transferred from Mumbai to Hyderabad. I called a firm of Packers and Movers to pack up her household goods  and transport them to her house at Hyderabad on 'door to door delivery' basis.  It was agreed that they would carry the goods in the designated truck and would not change it in transit. Having delivered the goods to the Transporter, we left for Hyderabad by train.  As per agreed plan, the truck was supposed to reach two days later after we reached Hyderabad.  

We kept on waiting for 3 days and there was no trace of the truck.  I was getting restless because all household items were in the truck and it was difficult to manage the household without the goods having arrived.  I tried to call the contact person, one Mr. Sharma, who did not know the whereabouts of the truck. With great difficulty, after five days I could get delivery of the goods.  They were not carried in the designated truck but were trans-shipped in another truck.  The goods were damaged needing heavy repairs.  I complained to him but he was evasive in taking responsibility of the losses. 

One day I lost temper and shouted at him in a high pitch.  This resulted in my Blood Pressure shooting up.  One day when I was delivering a lecture I found that I had a double-vision, resulting in my seeing  a student sitting over the head of another student.  This is technically called 'Diplopia'. I consulted an Eye Surgeon and he opined that my eyes were okay but there was a problem in the brain.  Immediately, I was referred to a Neurologist, who, after conducting a MRI test, found that there was a small clot in my optic nerve, which caused the Diplopia. This clot was caused by sudden raise in my Blood Pressure. I was admitted to an ICU for a week to rectify the situation. One fit of anger could have cost me my eyes or caused Brain Hemorrhage, paralysis or even death.

These three incidents changed my outlook towards life and I decided not to lose temper, come what may.  My experience tells me that many problems can be solved by keeping our cool.  When we shout, the other persons start defending and they also raise their voices, resulting in pandemonium and sometimes avoidable scuffles, which can sometimes be dangerous. 

I have published my autobiography, 'The Endless Learning Curve - a Memoir of a Forever Curious Soul' through Notionpress.com.  It covers my life's story from 1940 till 2018.  It gives a vivid description  of India's partition in 1947 from the perspective of a seven year old lad, who actually travelled from Montgomery (now Sahiwal), in Pakistan to India, and actually experienced the trauma of riots, killings, rapes, massacres of multitude by religious fanatics. It further explains how we settled in the new environment, establishing ourselves afresh, after leaving our  birthplace.  How my family lost everything and we became paupers.  I started working in an Insurance Company in India at the age of 15 just to support my family.  I had just cleared my Tenth grade when I took up the job of a Stenographer with a princely salary of Rs.95 p.m. (A little over a Dollar) and struggled hard to cross the barriers to reach one of the top positions in Life Insurance Corporation of India, in 1997.  I retired as a Zonal Manager after securing 8 positions in a span of over 42 years.  

The book is available with Notionpress.com both in paper back and e-book as also with Amazon.in, Kindle, Amazon.com.  It has received rave reviews (all 5 Stars) from 35 readers globally.